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Pondering over how Lost's Ben's exile might work out, and considering that Richard seems to have a 'get off the Island free' card, I came up with a little crack dialogue. Because, man, awkward conversation much?

“So, how’s the island been since I left?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Everything’s been working out real well. The crew took to the news of your break-up with Jacob like a flock of ducks to bread bits. Locke’s being a great CEO.”

“Really? ”

“Yup.”

“You came all this way to tell me that?”

“Alright, if you really want to know, Locke’s had us wandering about the jungle for ages, following Horace’s map – I mean, Horace! The man was a coke-head! – is all paranoid about your pet bunnies – don’t worry, I’m feeding them alright – and just won’t shut up about Taller Ghost Walt. Jacob’s getting jealous, I tell you.”

“So?”

“I’m not going to say it, Ben.”

“I never thought-“

“Please come back!”

“…Jacob’s going to have to do his own groveling.”

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